The Apology
by Zephyrus Nyx
Summary: Killua had left Gon, slipped out into the world and became a Rockstar. That was two years ago. In which Gon gets linked a video with an apology, which turns everything in his current state of mind on it's head. (Killua/Gon Past Relationship angsty songfic with the BVB song The Morticians Daughter) Please subscribe to see the rest as well. The true angst starts next chapter!


A melancholic, Killua's a famous rockstar, and both are over almost 18 songfic.

I may have to add more chapters as it seems to have taken a life of it's own.

(My first HunterxHunter fic I've ever posted as well, characters may be a bit OC.)

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A ring of a phone interrupts the silence, and Gon fumbled for the phone in his pocket. He sees the name on the screen and his eyes light up with happiness.

It's _HIM_.

His face then crumples into a concerned frown. Slight panic in his eyes.

It's _**HIM**_.

But why? He had left, right as they were about to make a life together. And he had barely heard anything from him, and so he decided it would be best to just let it go to voicemail.

The ringing continued, and so did his anxiety, the hurt in his chest getting the better of him, he finally reached for the phone again, but as soon as the button was going to be pressed to answer, the finding stopped.

He waited for the sound of ringing again, but, none did. He waited for a good 5 minutes, just to be sure, and still nothing. The phone was placed down, and he continued with his pushups, now more rushed from the adrenaline of the previous anxiety. When he had finally stopped, it was about 20 minutes later, and no sooner had he stopped then there was another ding on his phone. An indication of a text. The anxiety came rushing right back, and he swipe opened his phone and saw nothing but a link.

Confused and with baited breath, he opened it. It sent him to the most popular video viewing website, and a seven minute video, put under music. The face of that person shone back at him. He pressed play, his heart thudding lightly, excitement and a familiar face lit up on the screen. A face with many fans, as the amount of views showed.

"Hello everyone, I'm Killua. This is my first tubeyou video, and it's kind of really personal." The figure with the white head of fluffy looking, emo layered, shoulder length hair on the screen seems to get kind of emotional, and swallows slightly before continuing.

"A few years ago I started out on tours, and," a deep breath and a other swallow one. A hand coming up to the hair to push it behind an ear pierced around the cuff with silver round piercings. "I left a certain someone who is really, really important to me behind."

The Killua in the video gets up and continues to talk as he goes to grab a guitar from the back of the room against the wall.

"I never got to tell them I was sorry in person, as I haven't seen them in years but..." a few guitar strums. "I'm really hoping to make this up to them." A slight guitar adjustment, a tuning of a few strings, before the bright blue eyes pierce the camera with a steady hard gaze, that's somehow also very soft.

"Gon, this song is for you. I hope you like it." It's said lightly, softly, almost caressingly.

Gon pauses the video, flabbergasted, and with a slight erratic breathing pattern. Killua, the one who left him behind. The one who gave him dreams and aspirations, and shattered them all and took him years to get even slightly over.

"He's _apologizing_... _no way_..." he allows himself to state his emotions openly, making sure to keep hold of his phone and sit down _somewhere._ Before promptly getting back up and grabbing some toilet paper from the bathroom and deciding to sit back down on his bed.

He propped his phone up on his nightstand with the green keyring on the back of it, and made the video fullscreen. He took a few minutes to breathe, staring on the face that he had spent so much time with, that he had missed so much.

He breathes deeply before pressing the play button again, settling down onto his bed to the sound of beautifully played acoustic chords.

The voice that comes out of the mouth that opens is a lot deeper than Gon recalls it; _puberty_ it seems, had hit Killua _**hard**_.

" _I open my lungs dear_

 _I sing this song at funerals... no rush._

 _These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush._

 _Baby boy you've held so tightly,_

 _This pain it visits almost nightly_

 _Missing hotel beds, I feel your touch._ "

Gon's breath catches in his throat. A specific memory flits through his head where they had been in hotel room together, with only one another as company, and his breathing gets shaky.

" _I will await dear, a patience of eternity, my crush._

 _A universal still._

 _No rust._

 _No dust will ever grow on this frame,_

 _One million years, and I will say your name._

 _I love you more than I can ever scream._ "

Killua's face seemed to get a bit pink to Gon, and Gon's face also got bright, he'd never heard Killua tell anyone that, not even to him...

" _We booked our flight those years ago,_

 _I said, "I love you, " as I left you._

 _Regrets still haunt my hollow head,_

 _But I promised you I will see you again, again._ "

He...had he?

Gon sat up and paused the video, now actually wanting to scream. This wasn't right. That wasnt what happened. He had snuck out of the hotel, leaving but one note that had indeed said ' _I love you_ '...but the ' _see you again_ '? No, never happened.

But, he felt himself calm down and breath as the old memories smashed him again and again. He had practiced letting this flow over him plenty times. And, he had always wanted to know, know what Killua was thinking that night, when he left, _when he was abandoned_.

He grabbed his pillow and hugged it, the plush cover helping him calm down a bit so he could keep going with the video, the very heartfelt apology, that Killua had left for him.

He breathed in one last time, lungs filling and slightly uncomfortably numbing before letting it out, and pressing play once more.

" _I sit here and smile dear._

 _I smile because I think of you and I blush_." And blush he did.

The blooming redness that finally overcame the pale focus of the video was certainly a sight to see. Gon's breath caught in his throat as he watched the boy, no, man now, the man of his dreams face being shown the most vulnerable to hundreds, probably thousands of people online, most of them his fans, for Gon's sake.

Killua fumbles over the next words as he continues, a slight shake in his voice.

" _These bleeding hollow dials... this fuss._

 _A fuss is made of miles and travels_

 _When roadways are but stones and gravel._

 _A bleeding heart can conquer every crush._ "

 _ **Gon's heart hurts.**_

He had gotten call upon call from Killua when he had first left, he let them all go to voicemail. Then it was deleting them all, as he hadn't wanted to listen to small talk. Just an apology. Which he never got.

They were all empty words. He felt his heart squeeze and the guilt, and watched the face on the screen change to be openly hurt, pausing again before Killua continued.

" _We booked our flight those years ago_

 _You said you loved me as you left me._

 _Regrets still haunt your saddened head,_ "

He was right, the regret was crushing, his heart was hurting, his eyes were starting to tear up, Gon reached for the toilet paper, unrolled a piece, and dabbed his eyes, wanting to make sure he could see Killua's face, and all the expressions that went along with this beautiful song that was just for him.

" _But I promised you that I will see you,_

 _We booked our flight those years ago_ "

This seemed like a mantra to Gon now, something Killua must have used to get this made, to keep going and make himself get over his very severe fright of showing his emotions on his sleeve, his love on his sleeve, in fear it would be lost, or taken away.

" _I said I loved you as I left you_

 _Regret's no longer in my head,_ " Killua's face seemed to soften and Gon started shaking, knowing the past version of this man so well that he knew the next piece would be the worst or best part of the whole video.

" _But I promised you and now,_ "

Killua looked out onto the camera. His gaze steadily piercing through the camera right into Gons heart, and the next part came as the strongest part of the song.

" _I'm home again,_ "

 **What.**

" _again,_ "

 **No**

" _again,_ "

 **Way.**

" _I'm home again,_ "

 ** _He couldn't breathe._**

" _again,_ "

Yet the refrain came again, and he couldn't see the screen anymore.

" _again._ "

Sobs wracked his body, and he quickly wiped the tears away; wanting to desperately hope that this wasnt a lie, wasnt just a song. That maybe it was more than that. He watched, wiping his face quite a bit to keep his eyes clear enough to make out the video.

" _I'm home again._ "

Killua's face was there, red, as the last chords faded. he was holding back tears desperately, with a watery smile on his face, gripping his guitar tight to himself.

Gon gripped his own pillow, barely able to breathe as the next part of the video played, his mind blank.

Killua took some deep breaths, before getting up and putting his guitar away, seeming to linger a bit too long at the wall, before coming back to the camera. At this point his face was bright red, and he wiped away some tears that threatened to fall. His next words were shaky, with plenty of pauses between for breaths.

"I'm so sorry...I hurt you...I left without saying goodbye...I didn't _want_ you to get hurt... _I ran away_ from you... _from us_...I wanted to be better for you...but I realise...its probably too late to say this but... _I never wanted to leave you_..." Gon and the Killua on the screen both started to sob simultaneously, both pausing for breaths, and Gon pauses the video.

It's all he's needed, the knowledge Killua had to, that the band made him do it.

 _ **His family did this.**_

He had never wanted it. Gon knew Killua's family was shitty, but he had never even guessed _it was against his will_.

He thought they had convinced Killua to be against him, that the lifeless conversations that had been sent though voicemail were just to keep up pretenses with their Mafia families.

Gon pressed play once again, this information making him more numb to the sadness, the satisfaction overcoming his tears.

Watching the Killua on the screen hiccup and wipe away tears and try to breathe hurt more than Gon had ever hurt before. Gon knew he was too far, and this was a video no less. He couldn't steady him and tell him it was okay.

Finally steadying himself, Killua looked at the screen with tears still falling freely, his face a mess.

" _I want to come home to you._ I'm not sure of this is where you still live, _but_ I'm back at the town you were when we... _when I_...when _you and I_ parted last. I'll be waiting at the same hotel. I'll be here for a week after this video is up."

He seemed to try and breathe before the next part, " _Please come see me_. Even if it is to tell me to _get lost_...I...we...need the closure...and...I _really_ want to see your face again..." he looked down, his long white puffy hair covering his whole face, looking dejected with his slumped posture and barely audible words.

" _..._ "

Gon had to rewind and replay that part quickly, he had to know what was said.

So he played it again.

 _And again_.

And he _still_ couldn't make it out.

 ** _He started to panic_**.

( _To be continued_ )

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I have most of the rest of the next chapter written already, its just slow moving,  
please let me know if you're interested in reading more, as I'll be more motivated to push through and get it written.


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